then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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