I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize