I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize