My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
