My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
