from now on my penis is your penis
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
