tell your sister to shave her snatch
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
