I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just google imaged poop.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
