the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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