she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
