dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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