this boner is exhausting
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
