Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
