There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize