my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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