Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
