I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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