capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
