i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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