I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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