he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
