I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I supernannyed him into submission
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why is there bacon in the couch?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
