you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
