I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
