Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
