Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
