i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
