Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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