maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
