I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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