I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize