Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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