Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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