I'm eating all of the evidence.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
