I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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