Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
