I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
