So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
