We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize