you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My vagina is officially offended.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
