today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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