i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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