man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
