u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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