Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
