The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
