some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
