The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
