you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize