I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
