Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
