Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
