I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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