On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
