I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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