The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize