turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
