I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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