Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
