so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
