I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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