there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
