BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize