you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
